The Gift Of Time

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

– Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

There are so many things that can be said about time: one’s intention to kill time, how we save time, how one can be robbed of their time or rob others of their time. Sustaining the belief that we have all the time in the world. Much is always and can be said about it. And in most cases it is a willing teacher, healer and counselor.

The Gift Which Is Time

Better known to bring all things to pass, and evidently all things do come to pass. The favorable differences between the past, present and future. With the past you get memories of a present that no longer is, and with the future you get an uncertainty of a present that could be. And with the present you get what is. And that’s all we truly ever have… now. The thing about living in the now is that it can’t be escaped, you can’t run or hide away from it. You simply have to live through it.

Today I reflect on a time passed. A form of ‘now’ that I lived through and survived when a future today didn’t feel possible. See, I believe that time is truly a healer of wounds and a teacher of lessons. Because a year ago today, I went through the most self defining experience in my life thus far. The catalyst?

A gut wrenching relationship that had me emotionally and mentally beaten down for the longest time before I needed to recognize what was happening. The breakup drawled on for a week or so before it could be officially presumed dead. The painful part about that break-up was what it had done to my own mental and emotional health and overall affecting my spirit. It shattered me completely, whatever reality I had built up in my head, turned out to be untrue. At that time all I could remember is how lost I had felt, because looking myself in the mirror in that time, I could barely recognise the image that stared back at me. I had grown perfectly accustomed to being someone else’s shadow that I had forgotten what it looked like to be me.

But that’s where the gift of time prevails; an offering of healing, patience and rediscovery. And to the honest degree of what I had gone through in that relationship; It was the best timing in my life to go through it, because from the internal chaos and confusion it had caused, I gained some core values and insights, rebirthing my being into who I can only choose to be. Not letting someone else’s opinions run my life and creating and feeding into insecurities that had been established prior to the relationship and during. A simple detachment from an attachment that was draining, wounding and weakening me beneath the surface.

Which brought me to this understanding; that we all come here as teachers and students. Sometimes you are meant to find out what you need to learn from another being and other times you are the one carrying the teachings. The truth of time is that it enables those teachings and in that regard teaches you about yourself and where your purpose lies. It’s not completely about the world or others – these factors are a subdivision we meet at the crossroads – it is about the journey we walk through to find that destination our souls sought out to find. Life is for living and experiencing and time is merely a guide to this. As it is relative to each of us – some people blossom early and others follow suit at a later stage in life. That is why our realities are subjective to each of us, it is acknowledging those differences amongst each other.

The people you meet in your life are vessels of information and knowledge, there for you to take the necessary seeds to keep investing in your garden. They are the practical teachers in life, as they bring lessons to you. If you don’t learn you won’t stop going through the same events, people of similar effects in your life, in different instances and at different occasions and points in your lifetime. The lesson won’t stop its teaching until you grasp it, you will keep gaining the same result over and over until you’re aware of the pattern that draws you to that person(s) or situation. Your garden will keep growing more weeds that will overshadow the beauty of it, only when you learn to pluck the weeds from the root do you discover your efforts. It is all an internal awareness.

As an evolving being, you are not meant to remain rigid or inflexible. That is a way of shutting down important information brought to you through vessels of time, and that essentially comes in the form of the connections we make with people. I learnt a great deal out of that relationship, that hurt is not meant to be indulged and the negative is undeserving of one’s attention, it enables complacency to remain in that negative state of mind.

I learned not to love the negative – to recognize it’s presence yes, but not to allow it into my presence. Now I choose to center myself with peace instead. Some relationships are not meant for you, someone else’s traumas are not meant to be carried by you simply because of the level of intimacy, especially if it’s a crutch for their lack of growth. Some people come to you with destruction and others come with healing and restoration. The destruction only makes sense when you learn to rebuild yourself from its lessons. To shape your own sense of character, person and life, piecing the good with who you have chosen to be.

To not do so, means we would all be walking around ready to be destructive, hurting others because of our own hurt and enabling our toxic traits to outshine our healing and expansive capabilities. We accept our flaws so that no one has the power to use them against us. As we too should not weaponize the weaknesses or flaws of others.

The Note to Self

What I Took From The Ashes

* Tell yourself you are beautiful every waking day. To live so that you don’t forget it. To wake in the morning and not expect someone else to validate you. Build your own confidence and the glow shall follow you everywhere you go. Give yourself those compliments, self appreciation and love is important. Although be careful not to become vain and arrogant.

* Listen to your self. And do that actively, because there’s a time to simply listen and there’s a time to respond. Listening to myself I was able to fall in love with my speaking voice, notice how I sound when I’m overwhelmed, excited, loud or even quiet. I’m learning to use more positive words of affirmation, using words that explore potential and growth over words with a forecast of negative outcomes in the future.

* Enjoy the company of yourself. Being comfortable with yourself, enjoying your body, your mind, knowing your soul and creating a true sense of self in the world around you. Being as consistent and conscious in who you are at all times. Sometimes it’s easy to put on a face to accommodate someone else’s perception of you, that could easily trickle down to putting on different faces with different people and just as easily losing yourself in the chaos. But if you’re genuine with yourself, you will be genuine with others.

* To rise, rise and keep standing. Because the truth is pain doesn’t last forever unless you choose to perpetuate it and keep feeding into it. It is meant to be felt, as a symbol of the transition from that one point to the next. Showing yourself love and kindness after a break up, hard times or traumatic experiences is one of the most essential things you can do for yourself. Because that’s the crucial part in realizing that you can still breathe even if you find it hard to do. To see that even though a piece of you is gone, there is a whole that still stands.

* Forgiveness equals to freedom. I can’t press this enough… Freeing yourself from the burdens of carrying an unnecessary grudge. Letting go of holding on to negative energy, toxic energy and letting yourself truly heal. It’s always easier to hate someone than to forgive them, but forgiveness is not for the person but for yourself. You can forgive but to forget is simply up to you. If you choose not to forget, use it as a base of how you never want to feel or be treated moving forward. Try not to do it on the grounds to bring it up mid conversation as an assault. The aim is to move on and keep moving. Because if you cling to that resentment, the person who hurt you will continue the hurt despite their presence in your life or the lack there of.

* Explore the possibilities of an evolved version of yourself. Keep evolving, keep growing and never stop summoning the energy of love, because the universe won’t stop sending it to you and the people around you won’t stop showing it to you and supporting you. I was fortunate to have my family and friends to lean on, and I still am. And that gratitude keeps me moving each day. As I learn to truly appreciate the little things in my life that create meaning.

* Self Respect is vital. Never let anyone disrespect you. Do not allow yourself to be diminished in the presence of those who have no respect for you or others. Respect your mind, values, principles and ideologies. Respect the craft of your being and the journey of your life. Respect yourself enough to also be respectful of others as well.

So, be grateful for each learning day; grateful for the ache in your chest that refuses to fall away right now, be grateful for the tears that seem endless at this moment. Be grateful for the heavy and broken heart or the sadness, because time will send you healing, when you’re truly accepting of it, a year from now you would have learned that one bad day does not equate to the rest of your life. It is simply one of the obstacles that you needed to overcome to truly see your evolved and purposeful self.

Nothing about the road to healing is easy or comfortable and rosy. It is brutal facing those demons, but coming out on top is worth the fight. A fight worthy of the person you aim to be and the strong warrior that stands strong post the battle. I stand even firmer in who I am. I am able to pick and point out what I am comfortable with and what I am not, I choose myself always, my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being is so much more important than sustaining fleeting moments. I now know that even if I get hurt – which is the order of life – I do not dwell in the state of hurt but rather navigate means to move forward in a positive and self nurturing light.

I know not to allow someone else’s negative state of mind affect or upset me. I know how to love and make myself happy and make the smile on my face my own. You create your own sense of peace, your own sense of well-being that will shepherd you and help you weaver through the storms. Time is relative, you can’t physically see what it looks like, it is not tangible and you cannot possess it. All we see is each waking day, how you spend that day, determines how you choose to live your life. What you choose to focus your energies on becomes you.

Even if it’s not a grand spectacular day, at the very least let it be a good one. Evaluate the weight of the day, which moments made you smile and focus on those. Does the good outweigh the bad, if not, how do you move forward? How do you plan to navigate the harshness of an upsetting moment or time? How do you plan to spin the negativity into a positively uplifting outcome? Do you spend time with a loved one, friend or alone? Do you choose self care or self destruction?

The answers will guide you to self replenishment and growth. Healing requires patience, work and time. Understanding that need and being as honest with yourself as possible.

Yesterday was a bad day, today is up to you and tomorrow is yet to be seen.

Tavern: A Short Story

The realities so close to home, but far from reality. – Beau

The Story of the South African man’s paradise. His girlfriend’s happily ever after and their children’s future.

The GREAT Escape

“It’s the silence in the air that we seem to miss, all in the name of the commotion in the day, that revs up the noise to a wake. Dust and smoke thrusts across with the wind and we breathe in heavy suffocating air but only tasted by those with fragile lungs. We walk with broken legs and hold with twisted hands a reality far from the sand beneath the toes. We watch the young litter the streets, many a population growing like a storm in the distance; counting down on an endless time, we stare at those close to us with wide eyes as the starships transports them to another universe. Or is it us which are transported and them who remain behind?” Speaks the shadow of a man that once upon a time, stood tall in the eyes of others.

In Ruins

A collection of poison, drank by a man with impaired vision, rests on a chipped wooden table – covered by a plastic cloth, sewn by wounds of time. His eyes lazily gaze around the room, his throat a burn of his own reality. A woman barely clothed dances on his lap to a song common to all; those that find themselves in that place, a song that frequents their ears and yet they remain out of tune with it; she is a ghost to the lyrics, her mind constantly reciting the words over and over and over as she continues to sway her hips to the rhythm.

His stiff hands press on her lower back kneading her flesh and the layers that time has put on her once smooth chocolate buttered skin. Which finally caught up to the number of winnings around her pageant crown. But barely enough to call her queen. Her life lived for validation, but her soul starved of it. And so her legs drape his body, her hands caress a neck that once held itself together but now spills beneath his chin. Both are there and both are not.

He looks at the tall glass resting on the table, his eyes shift slowly from the broad on his lap to the bottle taunting his pride; a self-conscious depiction of what a great man he used to be, whose now world was turned to a raw translation of ego. A soul drowning itself in hot liquids that grip against the chest each time it flows from the bottle bitterly down the oeasophogus and trapping itself where the kidney’s were a symbol of good health.

A proud man drowns his sorrows to the left, a woman draws her legs apart to the right. Her friends gossip with loud conviction, ready for the latest news. The air is thick with age and regret, a sense of longing lingers, like defeaning silence in the wind. The crazy ones dance merrily to a song no one hears, their feet tap against the cold sticky floor aroused by spilt pride of brawls and fights. Broken bottles and cups lay invisible, scattered and forgotten.

Alcohol made them Do IT

Time is still, in a place where no one lives, it stands at 12 o’clock to the curious mind and those that bother a glance. The seconds remain still, freezing the moments in their place. They remember the past like it were a day ago; the old man slurs his history to a crowd of those willing to listen, they pack in the corner their eyes weary of the lives lost, sweat and hot thick musty air watches the broken fan and flickering lights. The windows that let in a glimpse of light the only clock hanging on the walls frayed by years of drunk shoulders leaning against them with broken hearts and tormented spirits.

A haunting picture of the man that once lay in the corner a heap while days passed before eyes could presume his still body an image of death. The air is dense and time sees no man moving, with paralyzed and broken legs the zombies roam their graveyards like apparations of future’s past. Wanders the eyes of those willing to see, walking out of those that could and resting of those tired, their tavern a place of worship week in and week out.

City Scrapers

They live in harmony with their sins and repent to the bottle when god is futile and they sing songs of praise when the jukebox plays soft tunes on a Monday night. The thrash of staggering and stumbling about. They are family, a unity when wives, husbands and children forgotten. They are a chain with a common purpose and bound to a place known as home and eternity. Oblivion is the mantra, a sing to the songs playing in the background, they are the forgotten souls that once in a flash of time roamed the earth. They sit in the building barricaded by thick locks and boards, a memory to the outside world where a daughter stands staring into the legacy a father left behind.

Disclaimer: All images on the blog were short by yours truly. For the sole purpose of drawing this picture.

The Not So ART of TRYING

As humans we try out several things at various points in our lives. We try different kinds of sports to see which ones we like best, we try different kinds of cuisines and go to varied restaurants simply to see which ones can tickle our palettes. We try on different clothes to find the style that suits us best. Our whole lives we spend exploring these possibilities, simply to see where the shoe fits. That’s the art of trying to know yourself and know more about yourself. There is no harm in trying to find yourself whatsoever, because as it is, we were born into this world of confusion and questions, thus we need to step right on out of that confusion and into ourselves and answer the mysteries.

Maya Angelou

That’s why we strive to be the best versions of ourselves each day. Which is what is necessary to keep us growing and evolving. When you sit and reflect on yourself today, you realize that you are not the same person you were at this very moment just a year or two ago. We grow every single day. We are constantly changing; experiences that we go through make us who we are, the conversations and observations with the people around us. Simply interacting with the world around us makes and shapes us into who we are.

So why do we TRY to be like other people?

I recently had an exciting conversation with a friend of mine regarding the aspect of ‘trying’. So I decided to share tidbits of that conversation here and what it taught me. One can try being good at a lot of things, but you cannot try being human. How do you try to be something that you already are? Just like; trying to be more like a certain icon or celebrity you admire and like. While you are busy trying to be more like them, who is being you?

The answer should be no one. Because no one can be you, you can’t be anyone else no matter how hard you try. The focus is lost in this word ‘try’ or ‘trying’. It boils down to what it actually means which as per the dictionary means to make an effort to do or accomplish something. Or subjecting oneself to excessive stress in order to gain something. And so we willingly put effort into imitating someone else, excessively stressing ourselves when we fail to do so. We make something as simple as being, into an obstacle and then go looking for ourselves in someone else. The truth is you can’t find yourself in someone else, but only ever in yourself. In being yourself. The effort wasted in trying what already comes natural to us is the cause of our frustrations and problems.

We use the word so loosely we forget the meaning, Q: What are doing?A: I’m trying to be myself.” “I’m trying to be with you.”, “I’m trying to think.”; “We are trying to have sex.”, “I’m trying to talk to you.” How do you actively put effort into being yourself, is it because we are not aware that we already are the thing we are trying to be? How do you try to think, is the thought of thinking not already thinking in itself? How are you trying to have sex, is the thing that you are doing not sex in itself. How does one try what’s already in motion?

But now I want to narrow this down to, why we fall short in relationships or simply go from one love to the next. I believe a person begins with the effort of trying their luck. Shooting your shot. When you are in a state of trying, you have a certain expectation or outcome for it. That means when you do it in the mindset to try it, even if it doesn’t work out, it’s fine. On to the next nearest encounter. Because you are testing it out, giving it a feel, seeing if it works, seeing if it meets your expectations. And that’s where we get it all wrong. As much as you can’t try being yourself, why would you try to be with someone else?

It only means you were never really set on being with the person you claim to love, you were simply trying it out to see if it would happen. And once it’s done, we become surprised that it’s over. ‘I’m done trying.’ That only means you are done being someone else’s expectation of you and they have long since stopped being your expectation of them. That’s why some if not most relationships turn sour after this period called the honeymoon phase. From a point of blissful trying you are hit with the actual realization that this is the person you are with. Because now that we are done impressing each other and trying to be each other’s expectations of what they think or you think of them. We slowly become dissatisfied with who they truly are. And you get a person saying to you “you’ve changed.’ Did I change or were you not aware that this is who I’ve always been?

An example of effortlessness is when you make a friend. You simply click and years later you can’t even remember how you met or how you came to be friends. Because you weren’t trying to be friends, you simply became, because of being. You don’t walk up to someone and say hey, let’s try and be friends. You happen to just meet and become. If your intention is to try, then whatever that test friendship means to you will most likely not work out. If you are exerting effort into being with another human being then you are bound to tire out and give up, and say ‘I tried making it work.’ Was it the relationship you tried for or the expectation behind it? We give each other these titles that build upon these expectations that give us more reason to try and please someone else or unconsciously meet their expectations of us. We unconsciously make an effort to become that expectation, that by the time you gain consciousness or awareness of what is happening the expectations have grown and you feel exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and drained out.

I can openly say, I’ve felt it. The exhaustion, the tiring out, the need to simply rest and no longer try and be someone I’m not or be someone else’s expectation of me. Once that happened I instantly felt lighter, more free and thus chose to be. But at the time I didn’t realize this, I was not aware of myself because I too, was busy trying to make it work. I was trying to be the girlfriend I’m not, or trying to be the best friend I should be. Just trying – or the better choice of words is “hoping”. After I was done trying, I congratulated myself for having gone through that and came out of it. Something I shouldn’t have been occupying my time with to begin with. Trying to be someone else or someone like me or just a version of myself that someone else thought I should be.

That’s why you have to let things and people go. If it doesn’t come natural to you to be around someone then don’t try to. Early rejection is better than a prolonged interactions of pretending. Be yourself and continue with your life and they shall do the same with theirs. Maybe once you’re ready, you might meet that person at a later point in time where it actually feels natural. And no effort in being with them is used. A person is not a task and can never be accomplished. So stop trying to waste your time. “I gave you all the best years of my life.” Yes, because you were busy trying to accomplish this idea you had of another person and vice versa. Instead of living in a state of being.

You can only ever be with someone. Never really try. The person you’re sitting next to right now or the immediate people around you. You are already with them. Labels like, girlfriend, boyfriend or best friend, wife, husband and others come with expectations that make you less of what you are and more of what they are. We were friends but now that you’re my girlfriend that dynamic must change and you must be a girlfriend. Firstly, what? Now that you’re my boyfriend, you must act how boyfriends act. Excuse me but what does that even mean? In simple words; now that you are this label you are expected to be this, that and the utensils in kitchen drawer.

It’s in the Moments

You are no longer a person but a label. And you fall into trying to be that label and fulfill its requirements and when you can’t try anymore you breakup and either go back to being friends or go your separate ways. We realized we were better off as just friends. Yes, because as friends you were yourselves and it was easier being yourself than it was being a label. I want to exclusively be with you. We are friends but now we are exclusively together. Nothing about either of us changes, we simply grow together, we become the versions of ourselves that we’ve always wanted to be. And because you are my friend I won’t be surprised when you become that version of yourself that meets your dreams. Because now we are aware of the other’s evolution and growth. And we deem it as so. There is a mutual understanding of each other and a shared sense of knowing. We are not surprised and we don’t say you’ve changed and I don’t know who you are. No, you are you and I am me. And we are building something together.

I tried being there for him and he still cheated on me, or she left me. Yes, maybe while you were busy trying to be there and not actually being there. Someone else was there effectively. They were there when they were needed and you weren’t. We need people for the most part of our lives and those people happen to be your friends more so than your family. That’s why we meet people, to make friendships that stay behind even after the many years. We all grow up and lead separate lives and meet a diverse majority of people at any given time. And at that given time that’s what we needed to learn, grow and see. Because friends help you build your own sense of home and understanding what you want it to feel like.

~ A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Because we need each other and I can imagine we would still need each other because each friend you make has a piece of you left in them. As they have a piece of themselves somewhere in the archives of your mind. Because each point in time has a story embedded in it, amongst the archives of our different journeys. So do you stop needing someone whenever that point ‘fades’? I was surprised at how easy it is to become strangers after knowing each other well enough to call each other friends. Because we tried and it didn’t work out. Something as natural as Ubuntu or Botho, is a struggle. Motho ke motho ka batho – I am because we are. Although the word in itself is far more expansive than could be expressed. But the spirit of Ubuntu speaks to our humanity. So when did we suddenly need to try at what makes us, us. Trying to be human, as if the blood in your veins makes you a worm and now you need to convince yourself and others that you are human.

The loop affects each and every relationship dynamic we have with each other. Did we stop being friends because we went and lived our separate lives? Did I stop being your best friend because you met and made newer friends? Should I stop being Beau because I am your wife? No, We don’t stop being ourselves, we continue that order with different responsibilities and roles. The honeymoon phase ends and we look for other people to try this life thing with, to feel the sensation of this stage with someone once again. And when that fades you try with someone else and someone else and someone else after that. Because Try, try and try again.

A Moment of Bliss

So, there is an Art in not trying. Try things that are attainable and can truly be accomplished. Try dancing because if you fail at dancing then maybe it wasn’t for you and you can try something else. But don’t go around experimenting with yours or someone else’s heart or life. You won’t win, ever. People are different, people are resilient and when something feels wrong, you know. When it involves another human being it won’t miraculously start feeling right simply because you pray about it. That’s why you can never officially change someone or how they think. You can influence them but never truly change them. Hence most singles suffer from relationship anxieties because they were test subjects for someone who was passing time only to find someone they truly wanted to be with.

When you account for your own self awareness, self love, self appreciation and self respect, you will realize that people are their own special entities. You won’t find your previous relationship in the next one because you’re not with the person you were with in that past relationship. You can appreciate certain qualities possessed by a person but don’t expect to find them in another person. We are complex beings, unattainable and different from each other as far as diversity goes. I say, do and write what I like because that’s who I am. I have friends I share the same interests with, but they can never be like me and I can never be like them. Our nature is unpredictable and to think you can think like someone else, is to think you can write your name in the wind.

At the end of it, we all long to be loved, cared for and understood. Some relationships or friendships may not work out because of reasons known to them, or simply because people grow apart. Therefore, we must respect each other to remember that the next person is human and the feelings you have they have as well. The hurt you feel they can feel too. Not all of it is ever one sided. It is a learning curve that shapes us and makes us human enough to recognize and consider someone else.

Remember:

  • The best relationships are the ones that have a genuine friendship at their core.
  • We need to view each other as more than our relationships. There is a whole life outside that of the relationship alone, mutual respect for those differences is important.
  • It’s knowing that someone is themselves and not a version of you or a mental projection of who you’d like them to be.
  • The effort that truly matters, is giving yourself the time to genuinely get to know someone and openly appreciating and loving them for who they are.
  • Overall treating others with respect and integrity, strangers alike. Because who knows what role that person may play in your life and vice versa.

Just Be.

Why it’s hard to say I love You

Love Recognizes no barriers

Maya Angelou

I find it personally hard to say the words I love you. Not because I don’t mean it, but because… well it doesn’t come easy to me. Somethings are easier done than said. A whole lifetime can be lived and I’d be okay without having said the words, but only ever feeling and knowing that indeed I love someone – a friend or family member and even a significant other. I realized this when I had to think about sending that text to a cousin of mine, just to say: ‘I love you, goodnight.’ It took me trying to decipher the awkwardness of sending those words, to notice this shortcoming – send it and move on… it’s not like I don’t mean it and it’s untrue. So, why is saying I love you, hard?

It’s hard because;

You Don’t Grow Up With It

It’s something I didn’t grow up hearing. And just like me, there are others out there who experience the same frustrations. So in understanding this myself, I talk to you. A child is raised with certain principles and ideologies, these created from specific affirmations and actions that are repeated towards the child. So when a child is raised in a home that speaks of love with ease, the child grows up with that sense of ease in being able to express in words their love, to their loved ones. It thus becomes that person’s nature and they communicate it best to others. Expressed through observing these words of affirmation, which then becomes a learned trait.

But when the child’s parents or family, finds it hard in themselves to communicate their love – maybe as a learned experience of their own – they pass on that nature to their children and thus it becomes a norm. Some people are just better at showing their emotions than they are at communicating them. So, just because I didn’t hear the words as often as I would have liked, does not mean I didn’t feel the love in those instances and points in time. Other people simply prefer to hear the words ‘I love you’ to reaffirm your feelings for them and validate their feelings for you. It clears any communication barrier and reaches out to the next person. Because imagine if you said ‘I love you’ to someone and in return you got a smile and a ‘thank you.’ In a sense it would be a disheartening moment. You’d most likely feel rejected as if the person doesn’t feel the same way. So, because of this I am learning to take on the approach of; if you feel it, say it and if you mean it it’s okay to mention it. Despite how awkward I feel afterwards because at least I would have been able to share a truth with someone I love and someone whom I know can easily communicate their own love for me. And they will in return feel loved and know they are loved back.

Which brings me to my second point,

Leaving U Love Letters to Remember Me By. For These Moments Are Now Frozen in Time.

Like They Say, “Actions Speak Louder Than Words.”

Sometimes, some people believe actions speak louder than words. In this case, I personally believe actions speak louder than words. It’s difficult for me to believe a person until I have seen it in their actions. Because the truth is, people can take advantage of you, simply by performing the words at different octaves to please your ears or even abuse the knowledge of knowing what the sensation of hearing the words brings to you and still lack the same drive in showing you just what they mean by that. Yes, it’s the sweetest thing to hear though I believe that a person’s actions should at least translate their words. ‘I love you and I will show you’, that goes a long way. As apposed to ‘ I love you but I have nothing to show for it.’ Many a time I’ve heard the phrase ‘it was an act of love’. Meaning that form of love was shown in action, done in small little acts of kindness and show of appreciation. Helping someone out when their in need, sending a text wishing them well, visiting a friend or family member, buying someone something – even if it’s not big or extravagant – or even remembering their birthday just a token to say: ‘I love you and I remember you.’ Or even the smallest gesture of saying ‘ I love you, so let’s watch your favourite movie tonight.’ I believe that there is more of a reward in seeing someone smile and radiate happiness because of you and that for me is an I love you enough.

In saying that it brings me to this point:

It’s Just Different Love Languages.

A Hand to Hold.

People have different love languages. How people decide to show love and the way they interpret it differs in each one of us. Some people don’t need to be told I love you and others do. Everybody has their own way of expressing love, because not all of us are the same. It all comes down to what we deem to be a thing of love. For instance, your parent is hard on you and gives you what is known as tough love because that’s what they believe love is and that’s what love looks like to them. It’s a representation of what they interpret as love, and that’s what their love looks and feels like. But if it is not your love language, you will not comfortably or openly relate to their form of love because you’re a different person and your views on love are far much different. You believe in a more gentle and softer approach of love because that’s how you choose to see it. People read love in different ways, they show it in different ways but the troubling thing is, not everyone will receive it so.

This is why it’s always good to learn to communicate with those around you on how you want to be treated and understand how others want to be treated as well. In a relationship people enjoy various expressions of love such as romance, gifting, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch or spending quality time with their loved one, which then translates to their love language. The next person may not share the same sentiments. If your love language is physical touch and words of affirmation but your partner/friend only responds better to acts of service or quality time. Then that is their love language and it differs from person to person. It is possible that someone is not nearly as romantic as you are or as you’d wish them to be. You can be led to believe that that person does not love you as much as you love them because of these differences which is not true. So, if you’re a sucker for romance and your partner isn’t, its best to say so as opposed to leaving them cues and expecting them to get it. It might be a while before they do, so save yourself the trouble and frustration and say what you like. Hopefully it works out.

Finally;

It’s Not Said Often Enough.

It’s hard to say I love you because we don’t say it often enough. There are people who simply say I love you like the sun says I love you everyday by appearing, it’s a constant thing and it is effortless. It’s an admirable and beautiful trait. Meanwhile, there are those that say it like seasonal rain: its sporadic but special. Even so, it’s not easy saying I love you to a person who doesn’t usually say it or even so express it in words. There is so much weight that those words bring, that I believe a person should almost always feel the love to share that love. It’s a special thing and a special point of acknowledging someone’s importance in your life. ‘I truly love you.’ Some things are better of said than done. I truly love you because I want to always be there for you, whenever you need a friend, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, despite our fights and differences, you are the person I will always choose. I truly love you because you are a good friend or a great mother/ father/brother/ sister/aunt/cousin. I truly love you because I know despite everything, you love me too.

It’s being able to appreciate someone in a way that means the most to them that says I love you. Because if it means something to them, it will always mean something to you and vice versa. It’s not a bad thing to be unable to say the words, maybe you’re a toaster, waiting for the heat to kick in before you can pop out an I love you. And that’s okay. Those that really love you will understand you and give themselves that time to do so. And if you’re a free flow river of I love you, then do share your love and quench the thirst for receiving love to those around you. People love the things you are able to do for them, so do the best you can even if it’s the little you can afford to do. As small as a hug – that’s for those who enjoy this wonderful exchange of intimacy, don’t force a non-hugger into a hug. It’s all about respecting those around you and that’s a show of love. People you show love to, will show love back to you. And that’s another way to say I love you.

So, people speak different languages of love. We all have a different idea of what love is, what an I love you means and what it is to you and the next person. Take a new relationship for instance, the status an I love you holds in the relationship and what it means for you, the next person and the relationship itself. It’s not easy receiving the words when you’re not ready for them, be aware of yourself and understand where you are. Communicate and say, “I like you, and I can’t wait for the day to say I love you, back.” That would at least show the next person that, I might not be fully able to express my love for you yet, but I’m willing to stick around long enough to feel what you feel or at the very least, say it back. If the person shows you patience and understanding that is also saying I love you and when you do the same you are also saying it.

Therefore, if it’s hard to say I love you in words, say it in the best way you know how. Because if it’s a product of love, you don’t necessarily need the words to state it. All you can do is be yourself and hope that the next person receives you as you are and loves you for who you are.

Share love, Feel love, Receive love and Be the Love.

Ultimately we should all live in love.

When is it Time to Walk Away?

“The root of suffering is attachment.” – Buddha

Understanding that every relationship you have with the people you love isn’t always the best thing for you, is important. It is learning when it’s time to leave and let go of those particular relationships that you will take a step back and notice the damage it has done. This way you grow stronger and find healing in the process. Learning from past experiences will help you prevent any uncertainties in future relationships.

The Grey Area

I am no longer who I used to be.
Around you.
I am a frame without a picture.
With you.
I am a letter without words.
Between us.
We are a reflection of what was.
With us.
There is no more.

Being stuck in the grey zone.
In a world filled with colour.

As beings that share a deep connection of the heart, we make connections with others everyday. You meet people and those people come into your life and make a home, to which you gladly share yours. You find yourself in friendships and or relationships that you hold dear to your heart. From building bonds, we get to learn and know more about others. Unfortunately though it is easy to become oblivious to the other parts of that relationship that may not be good for us.

Because naturally, you would want to see the good in the person that you call your friend/ best friend, your significant other or even as far as to say your family. Whatever relationship you may have with the person, is what brings you both together and because of that glue, it bonds you together. But what happens when the person you thought would least hurt you, hurts you the most? Most of the time, you tend to forgive because that person means so much to you, turning a blind eye so often leads to more hurt.

The matters of the heart can never be explained. But when something is no longer good for you, it’s time to cut your losses and let go of a bad thing. If a relationship no longer stands with what you believe in and the counter person no longer helps you grow but instead they bring you down… then it’s time to leave. Knowing when to walk away from a relationship – be it romantic or platonic is an important step towards experiencing self love.

Deciding to take the step to move on and away from a relationship that no longer serves your best interests, needs and values, is a risk worth taking. It is for the better part of your own mental and emotional health. Give yourself the option to save yourself from within the burning house and call a spade a spade.

The misconception that love is everything in a relationship, that it is the only glue that keeps people together, needs to be reconstructed to notice and better know that it is not the case. Love is enough to keep you holding on, but realizing the difference between something good for you and that which is not is an act of self-love and should be enough to help you let go.

Many people stay in damaging relationships because they hope to change the person that hurts them, we hope that they will become a better person and somehow evolve into the good you see in them. The thing about loving someone is that the good will outweigh the bad, until the weight is too heavy to bear.

The Distortion of A One Sided Coin

But the truth is, you can’t change a person who is unwilling to see the change for themselves. Some people are fixed in their personalities and who they are, that it can be crippling to your own mental and emotional health simply trying to change that outcome. Because when you think the person has changed they have only masked Or hidden the parts of themselves they fear will push you further away.

Sometimes people hide who they are in fear of being rejected. When a loved one rejects you, it is unlike the rest of the world rejecting you. This form of rejection stays with you and cuts deeper than the last. That’s why people find it hard to disclose certain truths about themselves to those that mean so much to them. Sometimes it is in fear of being misunderstood and not being recognized. But others simply hide themselves because they do not know who they are and are merely trying to find themselves and don’t know how to come out and say it. These parts of a person are in need of a friend. They deserve loving support and patience. Because they are not hidden under the pretense of deceit but rather because one is lost in themselves and the world around them.

Whereas other people are actively deceitful. They lie to themselves and to you to keep you caught up in their web. When patterns are unchanging but words are affirming differently, maybe it’s time to walk away. When actions begin to contradict things said and promises made. Then you should move on.

Because we get caught up in hoping for the best in those we love, that we choose only to see the good and dismiss warning signs and red flags. Most of the time that is how most toxic relationships escalate, with that tiny sense of a brighter outcome. The deep fear of losing that person, especially if they play a big and important part of your life – be it a close friend, best friend, lover or family member – you do not know what’s going to happen to you once you walk away. Establishing your own independence can be frightening and challenging at first. That is why you need a support structure like other friends and family that are willing to catch you when you fall. They want to see you happy and unharmed. You are only alone if you allow yourself to feel alone and isolated. So rescue yourself first before you can decide to save someone else.

Especially if that person’s actions keep causing you pain, hurt, constant disappointment or even to go as far as harming you. If you are always feeling disappointed by the person’s empty promises even after many given chances… What Are You Still Hoping For?

Detached & Unattached


A moment passed with you.
And another began without you.
Others shall reoccur,
But it does not mean you have to be there.
Admittedly, our paths have changed.
Knowing that we are not the same.
The Sun rises,
And the Sun sets – regardless to say.
I won’t be here,
To suit your preferences,
As you are not here to serve mine.
A moment passed with you and I.
And another began with neither of us.
So, who is to say we missed out,
When none were there,
For the experience?
A moment passed with me beside you.
And another began without me there.
After all, such is life.

This is an important question to ask yourself when you finally feel that your patience has run thin. When you do more internal bleeding and experience happiness and joy sporadically. Letting go of the person you once loved, love or are in love with is not easy. But for the right reasons it is more than important to do so. REMEMBER: It does not mean you hate them (unless you do, which is a different story all together), but it only means you love yourself more. And it means you love yourself enough to forgive them and walk away from the pain, hurt and constant disappointment they have brought to your life.

When I decided to finally walk away from the relationship with my father, It became solely for the benefit of my heart’s and mind’s rest and my own peace. Deciding to forgive him for the constant heartbreak and frustration was an act of self-care and love. Because it is not only your significant other or a friend that can be toxic, it is a family member or parent as well.

So, you come first. Always. And you should gladly put yourself first and always know that you matter and how you feel matters too. So, don’t neglect yourself in the hopes to better the next person. Hoping that they might just for once put in the same level of kindness and love to match yours. That’s why you need to recognize a person’s nature and attitudes towards you. How they treat you when you are together compared to when you are in public. If they are kinder to you in public and volatile when it’s just the two of you. Chances are that person does not have your best interests at heart. Your job is to take a step back and reevaluate your role in that type of person’s life.

So ask Yourself this:

  • What am I gaining in this relationship?
  • How often than not, have I been in this very same position?
  • Has the person changed like they said they would?
  • How far am I willing to let this go on for?

IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes the longer you stay in a toxic relationship, the more it consumes you and the harder it will become to leave and walk away. Due to the time you have invested in the relationship or friendship. Most people are hesitant to leave because of worries of whether the person changes after they have walked away. What if they become the person you’ve always hoped they would be?

Bittersweet

But what if they don’t? And even if they did, who is to say that they won’t go back to their old ways and habits? What if they become worse? But what if they do change for the best?

Then this is your time to accept that the change was not meant to happen with you still in the picture. The person would then have had to lose you in order for them to recognize their ways and decide for themselves that they needed to change. And during this time, you need to realize that people aren’t projects to be worked on. You can’t keep reaching out to someone and hope that they meet you halfway. If a person does not reciprocate your efforts while you are still in their life. Then it is not your fault that they choose to do so once they are not in yours.

Because we choose who we let into our lives and the choice goes for who you let out of your life. Some people come as lessons into your life. And the biggest lesson to learn is not to give more of yourself to people who would not do the same for you. When someone expects YOU to change and suit their preferences and needs, that person is not for you. If you have to change how you dress, look, act, ideologies and values to please that person and that person always comes up short when it is their turn… walk away. If they want to administer control on every part of your life as if you live for them? There is a good chance that you will always be the problem and not them because when a person is unhappy with themselves they will be unhappy with those around them.

It is a form of bullying, gaslighting and abuse. Once you begin to feel at fault for certain attributes you have and the things you do. Developing insecurities about yourself and seem to find yourself always worried what that person might think or say every time you do something. Dress a certain way or hang out with certain friends. When you feel guilty for being yourself entirely. You are either in a psychological or emotionally abusive relationship. Which is why when you realize that you are losing more of yourself and neglecting your own happiness over someone else you should RUN AWAY. Only before it’s too late and more of the damage can be done.

When is it BEST to leave? :

  • When you feel unhappy. Because looking into someone toxic for your happiness is like setting a corner of the house on fire and hoping the rest of it won’t catch alight.
  • When you no longer feel like yourself. But instead have become an extension of someone else’s idea of you.
  • When you feel that the friendship or relationship is one sided. And you are always the one at fault when things go wrong.
  • When you are only appreciated when you can do more for them than they would for you. And when you stop, you are given the cold shoulder.
  • When you’re the one doing more of the reaching out than the next person. It is not one person’s responsibility to maintain the standard of the relationship.
  • When you realize you are always hoping for more – more change or more promises fulfilled. It is not healthy for you to put yourself in that position, so walk away and stay true to yourself instead. If there is change you are looking for then reach for it deep within yourself.

A person changes to the rhythm of their own beat and changes at their own accord. And as the saying goes: ‘You can take the horse to the river but you can’t force it to drink water.’

You are an ocean filled with beautiful waters. You are vast and you are infinitely expanding. Drink from your rivers and use your waters to nurture the plants of your soul. Feed yourself with emotional, mental and spiritual freedom. Let go of that which does not serve you or grow you. Cut out the branches of those that can no longer be a part of your journey. Do so with grace, do so with forgiveness and find in that place a still calm.

Because when you’ve walked away:

  • You get to REDISCOVER yourself, you can grow into who you wanted to be before the relationship or the person you’d like to be post the relationship. The lesson is to KEEP SEARCHING for the greater parts of yourself.
  • You get to better SEE and UNDERSTAND your flaws and weaknesses as LEARNING CURVES, where you can IMPROVE where necessary and not as weapons someone can use against you.
  • You GROW as your own person. And get to find CONFIDENCE in who you are. That way you can SURROUND yourself with POSITIVITY and likeminded people whose presence you enjoy in your life.
  • You rediscover NEW LOVE, a new ZEST for life and a changed perspective on formed relationships around you.
  • Most importantly, you will find HAPPINESS and joy. Because the burden of carrying someone else’s baggage and toxic attributes, is no longer on your shoulders. Hence you feel LIGHTER and FREE.

Therefore, it takes going through a bad experience to teach you what a good thing looks like. Self-love comes in remembering how you once felt and promising yourself to never let yourself feel that way again.This will make it easier for you to bare in mind the kind of people you want to surround yourself with and let into your life.

They say when one door closes, another one opens. It’s up to you to stand up, pack your bags and walk out of that door, closing it for your own good. Because the only way to be happy is to create it for yourself.

Understanding Your Emotions

The connection between the mind and the heart. A relationship that is usually left unnoticed. The balance between the two is more important than we know. Our social connections rely on our own personal connections with our intelligence and emotions. There is freedom in emoting as there is in thinking and doing.

Room for Inspiration

“You’re being overly sensitive.”

First of all, what does that even mean? Women for many centuries have been said to be ‘too emotional’ or ‘overly sensitive’. You catch a man easily tell a woman: “you let your feelings run you.” or “don’t get too emotional.” And or other common generalizations around emotions and the expression thereof.

While I understand that men are said to be more logical beings compared to women, emotions are not subjective to women as with logic is not isolated to men. The misconception of emotions has allowed society to bridge a gap between IQ (a person’s initial intelligence) and EI/EQ (a person’s emotional intelligence). Making it harder for women to freely voice their opinions because they are said to be backed more by emotions than logic. Side note: No, she is not being emotional, don’t confuse emotions for passion. There is a difference.

I’ve been met by men who have told me that they believe that women can’t run a country, because how can anyone trust someone who is “lead by emotions” to govern society? And that’s the societal problem faced today. ‘Logic’ (to which at this point I refer to men) has been running many countries and the world but look at the state of the world as it is. So what is logic that in itself has lead people astray?

Emotions on the other hand, are a complex phenomenon that allows people to state how they feel. To be able to express, understand and acknowledge how you feel will also open you to be able to empathize and understand how others feel as well. Mastering your emotions does not make you a woman but rather makes you human and emotionally evolved.

Having emotional intelligence means that your emotions do not ‘run’ you, but instead you have control and understanding over them. The mere ability to identify them, make sense of them, accept them means you will be able to make valid judgements and decisions based on them.

I once dated someone whom I felt could not handle my emotions, and so, for the sake of the relationship I grew a ‘tough skin’, opted to be more reasonable and suppressed the best I could of my emotions (the deeper and more important ones). Eventually, I began to have a tough time opening up to him and others because I had began conditioning myself into believing that my emotions were too much. And knowing he could not handle me in my emotional state, with phrases like “I don’t like seeing you cry” being so often said that indeed I refused to cry in front of him. I had began to see my own emotions as a weakness, or invalid and a point which would create discomfort for him.

And true to my suspicions, for most of the relationship it did create discomfort, as he was not open to my emotions and could not understand them. The reason I say this is because I now understand that my emotions were not the problem but the lack of emotional intelligence was the cause of disharmony. If someone cannot understand their own emotional capacities, they would be unable to understand those of others. It’s a failure to empathize where necessary and give understanding where needed.

Many of us lack emotional intelligence, women AND men. The advantage for women is that we already allow ourselves to feel and be in touch with our emotions. We talk to friends and family about how we feel and they in return shed some light and assertions. Men on the other hand are hardened and programmed to believe that emotions are a sign of weakness. That same perception and stereotype is the initial problem and set back in society.

Because of the lack of emotional expression and emotional intelligence in most men, you find that these bottled up emotions build into frustrations, anger, misunderstandings, miscommunication and eventually different kinds of abuse and aggressions. When someone doesn’t get in touch with their own emotions, they will not be able to cope when those emotions surface. Therefore, once the idea of what it means to be a man and masculinity changes, the outlook and associations of emotions and feelings will follow suit.

But we all have a role to play. We could avoid a lot of negative emotions and energy spent towards causing DRAMA – emotionally and socially. If you can think before you act or speak, you and the next person can easily resolve your differences rationally, without pettiness and holding grudges.

For instance, a person who holds grudges has not been able to deal with the lengths of how they feel about a situation, they probably feel misunderstood or unheard. They are not fully aware because there are expectations behind the reason for the grudge that might have not been met or fulfilled even if the other person has apologized. They expect the next person to know the depth of the issue that they fail to understand within themselves. So, understanding yourself, is also understanding your emotions. And this speaks to everyone despite gender.

How you feel is what makes you human, emotions make you human and understanding them gives you an advantage in building sustainable social connections, relationships, family dynamics and even work relationships.

Most of Our Relationships end because:

  • Of the inability to articulate one’s own feelings, having them being received and understood the way you want them to.
  • There is an inability to communicate without judgment and backlash.
  • Many fights are caused by lack of emotional intelligence and understanding of one’s needs as with that of the next person.
  • We argue with our emotions and clash with reason in the process. Instead of integrating the two to work for you as one and creating a working balance between emotions and logic.
  • There is a lack of UNDERSTANDING. So, when you have an understanding of emotions, where they come from, cause and effect. You have involved reason/logic and thus will gain a better understanding of yourself and others.

If you understand WHY a person is upset, why they are crying or they are sad or happy. WHY the person feels how they feel:

  • You are able to play your part and become involved in the right sense and state of mind. And show empathy and compassion where needed.
  • Their situation will not suddenly become about you or vice versa but instead you will be able to put yourself in their shoes and share in their experience whether good or bad and can respond appropriately.
  • It will help improve understanding on human interactions, be it women or men. We are fragile and sensitive beings with emotional triggers, some people just happen to hide it well.
  • It means that your friend, partner, associate or whomever at the time, won’t feel misunderstood or close off. But they will be able to open up and allow themselves to be vulnerable around you, as you would want to be around the people you trust.
  • Allow a person to feel what they feel. When you do this, you give them room to break free from those emotions, you help them to open room for more positive feelings to surface. Because when you let go of built up emotions, the mind becomes at ease and the heart breathes.
A Moment of ZEN

So understand this, people that always bash others for their feelings and emotions, are only a representation of a lack of emotional intelligence. They fail to identify with themselves on a deeper level. Which is not their fault. We are not taught to view our EI/ EQ as an important part of our upbringing, we are taught that the IQ is more important. But to coexist with other human beings and understand other human beings, your EQ must adapt and grow.

Because other people’s ineptitudes in their own emotional understanding, can cause insecurities within YOU yourself. But if you can identity your emotions; control them, embrace them and express them with understanding of what they mean, how they work, what they are, where they come from, then you are on the right track to becoming a better functioning and evolved member of society.

Be a friend, be a sister, brother, mother, father, an aunt, uncle, whoever. Be that shoulder to lean on, be that confidant, be a soundboard. Be human enough to recognize someone else. Don’t tell your guy friend to ‘man up’ or ‘get over it.’ Ask them what they need from you. Don’t tell your lady don’t cry.’ Tell her to cry as much as they need. Don’t leave your man alone with his emotions. Tell him that it’s okay to voice out his feelings. We need each other, and everyone wants to be understood and heard. We and our emotions are the key to that.

Remember this: Be AWARE enough to know when you too, are not okay. DO NOT ABSORB other people’s problems and emotional frustrations, especially if you’re more of a sensitive and empathetic being. It’s easy to lose yourself when you are not grounded in yourself. So, find that GROUNDING in yourself and emotions, speak up and take care of yourself as much as you can. How you feel is important. Be SMART enough to see when something is emotionally draining and exhausting. Live with your emotions not around them. DETOX yourself and your body of the emotions that do not serve you. Smile as much as you can, laugh as much as you need to, give yourself emotional relief by fully experiencing moments of zen and happiness.

Therefore, Learn from your emotions as you would from your experiences. Be Secure in your emotions as you would want to be financially. Invest in understanding them as you would in a lucrative business. It is an investment into your wellbeing and happiness. Your happiness contributes to the happiness of those around you and vice versa.

Evolve in your emotions, they don’t hold you back but they help build you.

A Chapter for HEALING

The dialogue between the self and the soul to finding restorative awareness, happiness and connection. Healing is defined as the process of making or becoming sound or whole again. As you would pay attention and attend to a wound on your body, the same efforts should be taken towards the self. Healing from within and radiating that energy into the world around you.

ROOM for INSPIRATION

In Life, every one of us goes through times or phases where we experience lows, pain or get hurt. And understanding it as a part of growing and discovery is important. You have to then realize the shape of the world around you, it’s changes and what all of that means for you, meaning finding Healing. I focus on this topic because many a time I too have also been through the lows, have been or felt broken and alone. Which lead me to this point in my life where I choose myself first, love myself first and find healing within myself.

Because of the heart and mind (the complex connections that which make us human) we are susceptible to heartbreak or trauma. And because of it we may lose the light within us, fall off the tracks and even lose ourselves in the pit of depression. This is why it is important to find healing, within yourself and around you.

Allowing yourself to heal constitutes as taking a path towards flourishing and taking care of your wellbeing : emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. When you find or start searching for healing you have acknowledged your feelings, state of mind, distresses and what we are all searching for, wholesomeness.

To find healing within yourself takes time, it takes some effort but it is worth the try and the journey. A healing soul needs devotion and dedication, because you deserve to move past that which has brought you grief and sadness, be it a toxic relationship, loss of a loved one, broken friendships, an argument, or conflict at work. Whatever unresolved issues that way heavy on you, it is well within you’re right to acknowledge them, accept them when you cannot change them and let them go.

Letting go means forgiveness. Forgiving those that have hurt you, situations you have or had no control over. But most importantly, you must forgive yourself. Yes, you have made mistakes, you too have hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally. You played your role, and so acknowledging the part where you went wrong is important for seeing and experiencing the part where you move forward and let the pain go. So, accept that you can’t change the past and move away from it.

Healing is a mind state. A sense of moving forward and finding happiness in yourself and for yourself. Remember:

  • You are important and your feelings are valid. Do not allow anyone to tell you how you should or should not feel.
  • You are worthy despite your flaws and imperfections. Accept yourself for who you are.
  • You deserve to be happy, because you are the true source of your own happiness. It lives inside of you.

Returning from a place of hurt and depression. You must allow yourself the luxury of being happy and seeing yourself in a good place. Show yourself the love you deserve by loving every part of yourself, especially the parts you once repressed or denied yourself to please others or for the sake of keeping love. If you have to hold parts of yourself back for someone then that person does not deserve you.

Practice self-compassion, learn to be kind and gentle to yourself. Positive affirmations to yourself can help pave the way, they are restorative for self care and compassion. Don’t believe every thought you think, especially those that do not serve you. Let them GO and stop stressing yourself out.

Being vulnerable with yourself and around others allows you to be open to new changes, experiences and possibilities. You open yourself to being seen for your true essence and presence. So replace that shame with self acceptance. Being true to yourself even if it means sacrificing a relationship. Give yourself the space to fully express yourself and you’re true intentions.

Be YOU and stay true. Because in you, you will find healing.

Introducing Beau

ART IS BEAU

MY name is Boitumelo Mangole, but for the better part of this blog I will use Beau. As in Beau-ti-ful, because Art is Beautiful. I am Art therefore I am Beautiful. And that applies to you too, as long as you are here, we are all beautiful just to clear the air. So I am Beau, here to talk to you. So let’s talk, because there is so much worth talking about.

Here I have decided to talk about anything and everything, what I have been learning, what I learned and what I’m yet to learn about this world around me. Let’s call it the DIARY OF A LATE BLOOMER. For one, being a late bloomer means: you’re no ordinary flower, you don’t have your life figured out and while everyone around you is blossoming, you are left behind.

But I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. In my case I see it as growth, personal growth, done not at everyone else’s pace but your own. Because you are still blooming, growing and finding your way. And there is nothing wrong with that.

IN this Self discovery mission of mine, I realized:

  • You are still growing. So give yourself the time to explore and experience your life your way.
  • Be kind and patient with yourself because it will teach you the same with others.
  • Keep learning. Knowledge is attractive and powerful.
  • You are Beautiful. Recognize your own beauty, within and outside, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

That’s just a few things worth knowing for now. We still have a long way to go. I will be using this platform to share my journey, share tips on self-care, self-love and everything on self actualization and realization. The world is our oyster.

The only limit there is, is the one you set for yourself.

So, nothing is off limits here. It’s my safe space and yours too, when you decide to join me and paint the world in art and colour.

#zerotohero #new #journeyofself #growth #latebloomer

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