“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”– Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
There are so many things that can be said about time: one’s intention to kill time, how we save time, how one can be robbed of their time or rob others of their time. Sustaining the belief that we have all the time in the world. Much is always and can be said about it. And in most cases it is a willing teacher, healer and counselor.
Better known to bring all things to pass, and evidently all things do come to pass. The favorable differences between the past, present and future. With the past you get memories of a present that no longer is, and with the future you get an uncertainty of a present that could be. And with the present you get what is. And that’s all we truly ever have… now. The thing about living in the now is that it can’t be escaped, you can’t run or hide away from it. You simply have to live through it.
Today I reflect on a time passed. A form of ‘now’ that I lived through and survived when a future today didn’t feel possible. See, I believe that time is truly a healer of wounds and a teacher of lessons. Because a year ago today, I went through the most self defining experience in my life thus far. The catalyst?
A gut wrenching relationship that had me emotionally and mentally beaten down for the longest time before I needed to recognize what was happening. The breakup drawled on for a week or so before it could be officially presumed dead. The painful part about that break-up was what it had done to my own mental and emotional health and overall affecting my spirit. It shattered me completely, whatever reality I had built up in my head, turned out to be untrue. At that time all I could remember is how lost I had felt, because looking myself in the mirror in that time, I could barely recognise the image that stared back at me. I had grown perfectly accustomed to being someone else’s shadow that I had forgotten what it looked like to be me.
But that’s where the gift of time prevails; an offering of healing, patience and rediscovery. And to the honest degree of what I had gone through in that relationship; It was the best timing in my life to go through it, because from the internal chaos and confusion it had caused, I gained some core values and insights, rebirthing my being into who I can only choose to be. Not letting someone else’s opinions run my life and creating and feeding into insecurities that had been established prior to the relationship and during. A simple detachment from an attachment that was draining, wounding and weakening me beneath the surface.
Which brought me to this understanding; that we all come here as teachers and students. Sometimes you are meant to find out what you need to learn from another being and other times you are the one carrying the teachings. The truth of time is that it enables those teachings and in that regard teaches you about yourself and where your purpose lies. It’s not completely about the world or others – these factors are a subdivision we meet at the crossroads – it is about the journey we walk through to find that destination our souls sought out to find. Life is for living and experiencing and time is merely a guide to this. As it is relative to each of us – some people blossom early and others follow suit at a later stage in life. That is why our realities are subjective to each of us, it is acknowledging those differences amongst each other.
The people you meet in your life are vessels of information and knowledge, there for you to take the necessary seeds to keep investing in your garden. They are the practical teachers in life, as they bring lessons to you. If you don’t learn you won’t stop going through the same events, people of similar effects in your life, in different instances and at different occasions and points in your lifetime. The lesson won’t stop its teaching until you grasp it, you will keep gaining the same result over and over until you’re aware of the pattern that draws you to that person(s) or situation. Your garden will keep growing more weeds that will overshadow the beauty of it, only when you learn to pluck the weeds from the root do you discover your efforts. It is all an internal awareness.
As an evolving being, you are not meant to remain rigid or inflexible. That is a way of shutting down important information brought to you through vessels of time, and that essentially comes in the form of the connections we make with people. I learnt a great deal out of that relationship, that hurt is not meant to be indulged and the negative is undeserving of one’s attention, it enables complacency to remain in that negative state of mind.
I learned not to love the negative – to recognize it’s presence yes, but not to allow it into my presence. Now I choose to center myself with peace instead. Some relationships are not meant for you, someone else’s traumas are not meant to be carried by you simply because of the level of intimacy, especially if it’s a crutch for their lack of growth. Some people come to you with destruction and others come with healing and restoration. The destruction only makes sense when you learn to rebuild yourself from its lessons. To shape your own sense of character, person and life, piecing the good with who you have chosen to be.
To not do so, means we would all be walking around ready to be destructive, hurting others because of our own hurt and enabling our toxic traits to outshine our healing and expansive capabilities. We accept our flaws so that no one has the power to use them against us. As we too should not weaponize the weaknesses or flaws of others.
What I Took From The Ashes
* Tell yourself you are beautiful every waking day. To live so that you don’t forget it. To wake in the morning and not expect someone else to validate you. Build your own confidence and the glow shall follow you everywhere you go. Give yourself those compliments, self appreciation and love is important. Although be careful not to become vain and arrogant.
* Listen to your self. And do that actively, because there’s a time to simply listen and there’s a time to respond. Listening to myself I was able to fall in love with my speaking voice, notice how I sound when I’m overwhelmed, excited, loud or even quiet. I’m learning to use more positive words of affirmation, using words that explore potential and growth over words with a forecast of negative outcomes in the future.
* Enjoy the company of yourself. Being comfortable with yourself, enjoying your body, your mind, knowing your soul and creating a true sense of self in the world around you. Being as consistent and conscious in who you are at all times. Sometimes it’s easy to put on a face to accommodate someone else’s perception of you, that could easily trickle down to putting on different faces with different people and just as easily losing yourself in the chaos. But if you’re genuine with yourself, you will be genuine with others.
* To rise, rise and keep standing. Because the truth is pain doesn’t last forever unless you choose to perpetuate it and keep feeding into it. It is meant to be felt, as a symbol of the transition from that one point to the next. Showing yourself love and kindness after a break up, hard times or traumatic experiences is one of the most essential things you can do for yourself. Because that’s the crucial part in realizing that you can still breathe even if you find it hard to do. To see that even though a piece of you is gone, there is a whole that still stands.
* Forgiveness equals to freedom. I can’t press this enough… Freeing yourself from the burdens of carrying an unnecessary grudge. Letting go of holding on to negative energy, toxic energy and letting yourself truly heal. It’s always easier to hate someone than to forgive them, but forgiveness is not for the person but for yourself. You can forgive but to forget is simply up to you. If you choose not to forget, use it as a base of how you never want to feel or be treated moving forward. Try not to do it on the grounds to bring it up mid conversation as an assault. The aim is to move on and keep moving. Because if you cling to that resentment, the person who hurt you will continue the hurt despite their presence in your life or the lack there of.
* Explore the possibilities of an evolved version of yourself. Keep evolving, keep growing and never stop summoning the energy of love, because the universe won’t stop sending it to you and the people around you won’t stop showing it to you and supporting you. I was fortunate to have my family and friends to lean on, and I still am. And that gratitude keeps me moving each day. As I learn to truly appreciate the little things in my life that create meaning.
* Self Respect is vital. Never let anyone disrespect you. Do not allow yourself to be diminished in the presence of those who have no respect for you or others. Respect your mind, values, principles and ideologies. Respect the craft of your being and the journey of your life. Respect yourself enough to also be respectful of others as well.
So, be grateful for each learning day; grateful for the ache in your chest that refuses to fall away right now, be grateful for the tears that seem endless at this moment. Be grateful for the heavy and broken heart or the sadness, because time will send you healing, when you’re truly accepting of it, a year from now you would have learned that one bad day does not equate to the rest of your life. It is simply one of the obstacles that you needed to overcome to truly see your evolved and purposeful self.
Nothing about the road to healing is easy or comfortable and rosy. It is brutal facing those demons, but coming out on top is worth the fight. A fight worthy of the person you aim to be and the strong warrior that stands strong post the battle. I stand even firmer in who I am. I am able to pick and point out what I am comfortable with and what I am not, I choose myself always, my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being is so much more important than sustaining fleeting moments. I now know that even if I get hurt – which is the order of life – I do not dwell in the state of hurt but rather navigate means to move forward in a positive and self nurturing light.
I know not to allow someone else’s negative state of mind affect or upset me. I know how to love and make myself happy and make the smile on my face my own. You create your own sense of peace, your own sense of well-being that will shepherd you and help you weaver through the storms. Time is relative, you can’t physically see what it looks like, it is not tangible and you cannot possess it. All we see is each waking day, how you spend that day, determines how you choose to live your life. What you choose to focus your energies on becomes you.
Even if it’s not a grand spectacular day, at the very least let it be a good one. Evaluate the weight of the day, which moments made you smile and focus on those. Does the good outweigh the bad, if not, how do you move forward? How do you plan to navigate the harshness of an upsetting moment or time? How do you plan to spin the negativity into a positively uplifting outcome? Do you spend time with a loved one, friend or alone? Do you choose self care or self destruction?
The answers will guide you to self replenishment and growth. Healing requires patience, work and time. Understanding that need and being as honest with yourself as possible.
Yesterday was a bad day, today is up to you and tomorrow is yet to be seen.